(Good) Help Is So Hard To Find

So you’re middle-aged, horribly…horribly sincere, have a strong desire to help others in need, and are 100%, bat-shit certifiable, space cadet: A few interview tips.

1. When our interview appointment is scheduled for 11am and you forget about a prior scheduling conflict, DON’T show up 11 hours early unannounced. Call ahead and ask to reschedule.
Addendum: In the event that you have already shown up 11 hours early unannounced, DON’T explain that you have borrowed a stranger’s cell phone to call and get directions from one side of the apartment complex to the other.

(Note to self: ALWAYS reschedule, especially if space cadet is at front door 11 hours early. NEVER deviate.)

2. When asking about the prospective employer’s personal history DON’T interrupt and attempt to relate personal hardships if those hardships aren’t apropos to the employer’s. Specifically, I did not ask, nor is it wise to volunteer the story about your abusive marriage, your children being taken into foster care and their subsequent abuse at the hands of foster parents, your remaining in said falling marriage and custody battle with the courts, your abusive husband’s untimely—yet liberating—death in an auto accident, and your stalking of your estranged, adult son at church in hopes he might have been there tonight (he wasn’t). Revealing that information would be better left for, let’s say never…or at the very least the second fifteen minutes of the interview.

3. This is less of a tip, more of an observation: Going back to school and furthering (finishing?) one’s education is laudable, commendable, a bold step. Good for you. A degree in Dance? At 50-ish? Maybe not the best pathway to financial solvency in your impending golden years. But what do I know? I'm just the one trying to keep calm on the outside, while secretly wondering if you'll be sleeping outside my door in the morning waiting to see if I made my decision about the job yet.

4. Want a job. Desire a job. Be desperate if need be, but don’t look or act desperate for said job. It’s a fine line. It’s only 5 hours a week. You’re freaking me out!

5. Bladder incontinence in times of excitement or nervousness is cruel indeed. I suppose I can relate. However, if that is a reoccurring personal battle PLAN accordingly. At the very least wear dark pants.

I’m pretty sure it was sweat. It didn’t leave any mark that I could see. I mean it was hot today. It had to be sweat. So yeah, that was sweat (Dear god, please have been swass. PLEASE have been swass!).