Please Don't Feed The Wolverines

ANN ARBOR - Say, have you seen the game of Baskets and Ball? Created to be a great way to keep the young men fit and active during inclement winter months, especially when added to any existing vigorous calisthenics routine, "BasketBall" is fast gaining popularity among spectators in towns big and small (provided they have gymnasiums and field houses featuring ceilings of sufficient height). At the collegiate level, well regimented five-man teams can be a joy to behold with their precision bouncing and passing of the ball and intricate offensive and defensive strategies; giving the enthralled partisans another outlet by which to express their loyalties for each's own alma mater.
It is under this pretext that nationally recognized Duke University sent their budding, Methodist tobacco barons on the train from North Carolina to frigid Ann Arbor town to take on the new, relatively unknown Varsity of the University of Michigan. The ironically nicknamed Blue Devils were expected to mop the hardwood floor with the Wolverines after handing Michigan a sixteen-point defeat when these same two teams met less than two-weeks ago during tournament play in New York City. It should be noted however, that this Michigan "hoops squad" already surprised a then No. 4-ranked UCLA team in that same tournament prior to falling to Duke.
Much to the delight of the rowdy undergraduates and co-educationals in attendance, Michigan turned the tables on Duke this time around and earned an exciting 81-73 victory, sending the Devils home with their tails tucked between their legs clad in blue short pants.
The legendary Duke tactician, coach Mike Krzyzewski, was gracious in defeat acknowledging the raucous crowd as well as Michigan's shooting prowess saying, "Their boys rained the three-point shot on us like so many Jerry bombs over Warsaw during the Blitz." But his embarrassment in losing to an upstart bunch was evident during the waning moments of the game by the look of incredulous disbelief on the immigrant Pole's sweaty, reddened face.
At the final buzzer hundreds of students descended in jubilation to the playing court, chanting in unison, "It's great to be a Michigan Wolverine!"
Indeed.

Michigan sophomore Harris completes a dunk shot

Primo Trim

Sixty days of  bed rest came and went and I was left with a gargantuan scar on my backside and a ferocious Tom Hanks in Castaway beard.  Beards and moustaches are not my normal facial hair cup of tea and in the real world it isn't really possible to take the time to grow the kind of beard I was left with because this isn't the 1860s and I'm not repelling Pickett's Charge, but more importantly, in this day and age it is socially unacceptable to venture out into public looking like I did.  Yet, friends insisted that I keep it because, well, they are friends and they can revel in the hilarity of an awful beard without having to live with it on their faces.  Furthermore it was No Shave November and I had put all this time and effort into growing it, so I figured I would let the beard ride with some appropriate grooming.

Unfortunately, the rechargeable hair trimmer I already owned died on me before I went on bed rest so I needed to purchase a suitable replacement to attempt the task at hand.

After too much deliberation on Amazon.com I settled on the Wahl cordless beard and moustache trimmer.  I wanted something small, but mostly I wanted it too be inexpensive and that is what I ended up with.  Much to my amusement the Wahl Trimmer Corporation includes in their operating and trimmer care instructions a section about how to grow a beard.  I was surprised the section did not read:

1. Be a man's man.

2. Wait.

Instead, here is what I learned.

GROWING A BEARD

There a three key factors that will determine which beard style is best for you:

1. The shape and dimensions of your face.

2. The natural growth of your beard.

3. The thickness of your beard.  If you are unsure about the type of beard that would most suit your face, speak with a professional hairstylist.

Now I know.

 

Bed Rest: Day 21

Woke up sometime around 8 or 8:30, went back to sleep.

Awoke again at 10:30. Had breakfast: Cheerios and orange juice.

Watched No Country For Old Men. Good movie.

Ate lunch: peanut butter and honey sandwich, carrot sticks, Coke.

Afterwards, laid on my stomach for an hour or so till my neck started to hurt, might have dozed off again

Polished off October National Geographic: articles on right whales and Ozark Highlands National Recreation Trail

Internet till dinner, then probably TV: new South Park on tonight.

Getting A Little Work Done

A girl I briefly dated once told me I had, "No ass." As it turns out, the location of my oft-discussed pressure sore as evidence, I suppose she was right about that. After tomorrow though, in that spot, I will have less. And as a means to an end this will be a good thing.

Hey Hey, My MRI

This is how the pressure sore looked in September of last year. In this cross-sectional image, my legs projecting out towards the viewer, the sore is circled.

The next image is the condition of my sore in April of this year. Not much difference in the appearance, hence the necessity of the third surgery to clear out the last residual infection.

Over the summer I underwent daily hyperbaric oxygen treatments to help aid in healing this sore (and in conjunction watched a lot of shitty movies - I'm looking at you Mission: Impossible 3). While I can't confirm the extent to which these hyperbaric treatments contributed to curing the osteomyelitis that delayed the healing process for these many months, the wound responded to treatment in such a way this summer that the U of M plastic surgery team feels they can safely close my sore with a flap procedure.

Everyone's Favorite Substitute Anatomy Diagram, One More Time

A pressure sore forms because the blood circulation to the tissue covering a bony prominence becomes constricted and the tissue then deteriorates. When it was discussed with me last October that these sores often need to be closed surgically and that this was often accomplished with a flap procedure I was under the assumption this would be something similar to a face lift. An ass lift of sorts. I'm not going to pretend to know all what is involved in a face lift, but I do know that it entails stretching loose skin back to make it appear tighter, more youthful. Simply stretching the skin next to and over the cavity caused by the pressure sore will not rectify the problem of providing more cushioning over the ischial bone where the sore formed in the first place ("No ass," as stated previously). The gluteal rotation flap attempts to solve this problem by moving not only the skin but a portion of the gluteus maximus muscle over the depression caused by the sore. The procedure is more involved than the three debridements and biopsies that were previously performed and is expected to take two to three hours. I'm anticipating to end up with a scar that looks something like this:

(click to enlarge)

The convalescence period after this operation starts with at least three weeks of complete bed rest to allow the flap to take hold. After which point, if the drainage has subsided, I can start a sitting protocol regimen. I will begin with fifteen minutes of sitting three times a day. If there are no problems with bruising or lack of circulation, the sitting durations will be increased by fifteen minutes every couple of days. If all goes according to schedule it will be a six week recovery process.

And then I'll finally be able to get back to whatever it was I was planning to do last fall.